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Several months went by after my encounter with my high school friend. The day after meeting with him, we exchanged a few text messages, and he told me that he didn't see himself sleeping with me again, it was just "too weird" for him since I had a fiance.

I have to admit that I was both upset and offended. I had just bared myself to this man, had showed him myself naked and spread my legs for him. What I thought was a turn-on for him (my being in a relationship) was something that came back to bite me. It made me feel terrible, I nearly had a broken heart.

I began feeling like maybe I had done something wrong. Maybe this wasn't who I was meant to be. If my bad-ass, tattooed, crazy friend didn't want me, then who would?

After this experience is when I really started to get depressed. It really had nothing to do with me being turned down, but it was just a little cherry on the proverbial cake.

After coming back to the real world (see the About Us blog), I decided to start training for my first 5K and I joined a fitness website. Through that website (and a few late-night flirty sessions...wine may or may not have been involved), I met a man who was dominant. He explained to me how he and his wife lived the dominant/submissive lifestyle and it sounded like a HELL of a good time.

That is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be able to calm my whirring mind by being able to head to a dominant man's house and have him do the thinking for me. I don't have to worry about what to do next, he will tell me. I don't have to worry about what to think, because I don't have to be anything but myself and if he doesn't like it, he will tell me.

Can you imagine being tied up and allowed no free movement? Having to put your complete trust into another human being to properly take care of you? You don't have to think about anything, no worries, no cares.

Sounds like Heaven...

So I decided to join a website that would allow me to meet other people who share similar kinky fantasies as mine, and to hopefully find the perfect Dom for me.

Keep reading my blogs to find out what happens next ;)

Yours,
Birdie